What a pretty city... It reminded me of Stratford with old buildings and an actual interest in the arts but it was super hilly. Something like a hilly UK town with little streets. It was nice to be in a smaller town (than Montreal and Ottawa). We found Bar Le Magog without too much trouble and the first bonus was free parking just outside the venue. That is a total luxury that is not afforded in cities like Ottawa and Montreal.
For those of you that have been at Bar Le Magog you can skip this next part but seriously... It really is the coolest venue I have ever played in. Country esc bar upfront and then a big awesome venue in the back... three tiered stage, green room in the back, beer tickets, 6000 watts of PA power, awesome staff and sound guy. The place is awesome! Oh, a ramp to easily load gear in.
I guess Sherbrooke shows are hit or miss and this one, being a Sunday night, wasn't packed by any means but the crowd that was there was really diggin' it. A band called Meat played first. Amazing musicians played some crazy technical, vocal free music. It was one of those bands that you just can't look away from because they are just really, really talented. They featured a stuffed cock (rooster!.. get yer mind outta the gutter) on stage with them during their set.
Crooked Jacks were next. They are Sherbrooke locals. They played this really cool sort of celtic-ish-but-not-really-punk-rock that seemed like you could add some bagpipes in and it would fit right in. They reminded me of Loaded Dice. They played awesome and came up with some pretty funny stage banter mostly about the stuffed cock (the rooster still... geeez). They were super entertaining.
We went up last and blasted through an almost-hour long set. We are working on tightening up some of our older songs that we don't play very often. Sherbrooke received us well. We got outta there at around 1:30am (that is a total guess because apparently when I'm on tour I have no interest in knowing the time ever so I don't bother checking). We drove all night to get home this morning. Let me re-phrase that.... Brando drove the first 5 hours and Will drove the last 4 hours to get home today. Though I would have totally dug spending the night in Sherbrooke, everyone was pretty anxious to get home as we have loads of stuff to do before we leave for the west on Wednesday.
4 days together and the band is still intact...
I'm at work now procrastinating as per usual so I'm gonna say cheers and get the hell back to work.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
April 2 - Montreal
The Crobar... what an awesome bar! Right in the heart of downtown Montreal (I think, seemed like a pretty happening place) on this street packed with little bars. What a cool scene, a little like Hess Village in Hamilton.
We made it to Montreal from Ottawa in one go (no pit stops!). The traffic was flowing well and we hit just a small jam just as we were heading through the tunnel in Montreal. They have lights over each lane indicating which lanes are open and which are closed so people had ample opportunity to get into the open lanes before the last minute. Take a hint from Montreal Ontario-401... maybe we can have something like that to ease the congestion on our highways. Seems like a no-brainer.
Anyway, the Crobar was like the Circus Room... in fact a whole lot like the Circus Room. There was a small-ish bar on the main floor and then upstairs there was another little bar, a pool table and pretty kick-ass patio. I love patios :)
The first band, Troma Lisa, was awesome! They played a rockabilly-ish punk. It was really kick-ass! I recommend catching these guys if they swing by your town, you'll like em! Then we were up, The Hellbats and Subsistance. It was cool seeing Subsistance in Montreal. This is the first time we have played their home town with them.
We loaded out and went to the Subsistance hall to load all the gear in. Now, the MGD hall was awesome - In a really nice building that was clean. The Subsistance jam hall was amazing. Heated loading dock that you can pull the van in, rolling gear movers, a freight elevator, security guard, snack hang out room, heat! This place was amazing! Its no wonder Montreal has so many great bands... even if I didn't play in a band I would start one so I could have a jam hall there. I was also informed that the huge building full of bands was only one of 3 or 4 that are in town! WHA! We need something like that in Kitchener. Geez, compare it to our dirty dingy shit-hole jam halls, that reek of mold and piss and have leaking water constantly on the floor... and no heat or very little heat. I'm jealous!
Well my coffee is done so this blog is also. I walked a marathon this morning to find a cup of crap coffee (I wasn't seeking CRAP coffee but that's what I finally got).
Got some friends to see and a road to hit.... Sherbrooke, here we come!
Saturday, April 2, 2011
The Rotten on Tour 2011 - April 1st - Ottawa
In Montreal now and I have access to a wifi connection... This is a good time to blog about last night in Ottawa. The show was awesome!
It was at a venue called Cafe Dekcuf on Rideau Street in Ottawa. The venue is cool - all ages bar and upstairs from a venue called Mavericks.... where Comeback Kid was playing last night too. Our crowds didn't intermingle too much but we shared the same smoking sidewalk (for those Comeback Kid fans that actually do smoke... I mean they aren't wearing a hoodie with a giganitic X on it).
First up at the show was a band called The Scally Cap Brats. They were a cool Dropkick Murphy's type oi-ish celtic punk. They actually covered some Dropkick which was cool. They really got the crowd going and pumped for the rest of the night. Next up were the Hellbats, from France. They ruled as always but during the last song singer Ellie got the mic in the teeth *ouch*.... as a precaution today we stopped at Steve's Music in Ottawa and got some 'Rotten' mic covers/teeth protectors for our microphones. We don't wanna lose any teeth. We were up third and it was fun... Ottawa punk rockers are amazing. They totally dig the music and rock out the whole time. I love that! Our set went well and as we play each night I hope we are getting re-accustomed to working out. Phew! we are outta shape!
Machine Gun Dolly were up next and of course blew the crowd away. I love those guys.
Finally Subsistance rounded out the night and as always they were awesome!... I also love those guys. Much thanks to Subsistance for supplying most of the gear we, and the other bands, used all night. Special thanks to Scott for letting me use his ride cymbal, yet again, because mine is broken and still not replaced. Thanks Scott!
Because last time we came to Ottawa we almost cost Jesse (MGD) his apartment (I guess we were a bit loud and pissed his landlords off) we were invited to after-party and sleep at their jam hall... The coolest jam hall I've ever seen
We had a mini show with MGD at the jam hall switching members and just jamming. It was a helluva lotta fun. Jean (lead vocal MGD) passed out first so he got the ass-in-the-face (haha... a MGD/TR tradition). I hope I never get the ass-in-the-face... I'm not sure anyone would dare.
Now we are in Montreal hanging out at Scott's place and chilling until we can head to the venue. I'm sure Montreal is gonna show us a good time tonight!
Monday, October 25, 2010
Zometa Fundraiser
So, Canadian health care is great and has provided me with tons and tons of free treatment however, its not all free.
My doctor has recommended that I start taking a medication called Zometa. It is a bone-building injection administered every 6 months that has shown that when taken by breast cancer survivors the chance of recurrence goes way down. The government is waiting on more studies though before it will be considered a cancer prevention medication and therefore be covered by OHIP or the Trillium Drug Plan.
So, each injection costs around $700. I've already applied and was accepted in to a program called Zometa Access that will absorb 50% of the cost. That leaves me to foot a bill, every 6 months, of $350 per injection. This cancer shit ain't cheap.
Its not necessarily that I can't afford it however its gonna add up and its the principle behind it. I'm looking for some fund-raising ideas to help with some of the cost. Anyone have any ideas?
My doctor has recommended that I start taking a medication called Zometa. It is a bone-building injection administered every 6 months that has shown that when taken by breast cancer survivors the chance of recurrence goes way down. The government is waiting on more studies though before it will be considered a cancer prevention medication and therefore be covered by OHIP or the Trillium Drug Plan.
So, each injection costs around $700. I've already applied and was accepted in to a program called Zometa Access that will absorb 50% of the cost. That leaves me to foot a bill, every 6 months, of $350 per injection. This cancer shit ain't cheap.
Its not necessarily that I can't afford it however its gonna add up and its the principle behind it. I'm looking for some fund-raising ideas to help with some of the cost. Anyone have any ideas?
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Raw food!
So.. I switched to a raw vegan diet for three reasons.
Chemo made me gain 30 pounds. Going into chemo I thought, well, meh... at least I'll lose weight and it wasn't until after my last treatment that I actually asked my oncologist about my weight gain that she told me that quote... "yeah, its weird. Women on chemo for breast cancer almost always gain weight"... ummm thanks for the heads up. The raw diet will help me to lose this excess weight and then I can feel a little more like myself again. It is inevitable that you lose weight on a raw diet.
Reason 2: I've been hearing from a lot of people and reading testimonials that a raw diet "saved my life" and "cured cancer". I'm not convinced that it will cure my cancer but I do believe that it could help to save my life. First of all, my cancer is estrogen based... in fact the very one thing that makes me a woman is my very demise. This irks me but is reserved for a different blog. Estrogen is in a lot of things but is more prominent in processed foods. Bottom line is... avoid ingesting estrogen as much as possible (this is a bummer because my favourite food of all time, tofu, is one of the estrogen rich foods I should steer clear from). The next step was to eat only non-processed foods so fruits and veggies, cooked or raw. I started reading up about nutrient rich foods and learned that once one of these super foods was cooked at over 104 degree F it lost a great deal of its nutrients. Weird, because I thought the eating veggies, no matter how, was the best thing you could do. I bought two books at the sale at Chapters a few weeks ago. The first was called "100 Best Foods" and it outlines the valuable nutrients in 100 of the best health foods. This includes all kinds of raw fruits and veggies, nuts and seeds. There is a profile on each and it describes all the benefits of eating each. In fact, it says if you each raw cashews you are almost guaranteed to never have heart problems. That's amazing. The second book I got was called "Raw Food" and it describes the raw food diet, its benefits and then there are all kinds of recipes. We've tried a few; raw borscht, raw burritos in lettuce wraps (hold the beans and give me a chopped up nuts and seeds mix), and sprouting. Next on the list is raw vegan sushi sans cooked rice and instead zucchini cut into angel-hair strips. The problem is finding uncooked soya sauce. On to my third reason.
I love the challenge! I feel, and always have, that if I have control over anything it is what I choose to put into my body. Though it can be challenging and usually a super-fast crash course on whatever I decide to do, I am successful.
Its been a week and a half and so far its smooth sailing. I already feel better and I feel like I am making an effort to naturally rid my body of this cancer.
Chemo made me gain 30 pounds. Going into chemo I thought, well, meh... at least I'll lose weight and it wasn't until after my last treatment that I actually asked my oncologist about my weight gain that she told me that quote... "yeah, its weird. Women on chemo for breast cancer almost always gain weight"... ummm thanks for the heads up. The raw diet will help me to lose this excess weight and then I can feel a little more like myself again. It is inevitable that you lose weight on a raw diet.
Reason 2: I've been hearing from a lot of people and reading testimonials that a raw diet "saved my life" and "cured cancer". I'm not convinced that it will cure my cancer but I do believe that it could help to save my life. First of all, my cancer is estrogen based... in fact the very one thing that makes me a woman is my very demise. This irks me but is reserved for a different blog. Estrogen is in a lot of things but is more prominent in processed foods. Bottom line is... avoid ingesting estrogen as much as possible (this is a bummer because my favourite food of all time, tofu, is one of the estrogen rich foods I should steer clear from). The next step was to eat only non-processed foods so fruits and veggies, cooked or raw. I started reading up about nutrient rich foods and learned that once one of these super foods was cooked at over 104 degree F it lost a great deal of its nutrients. Weird, because I thought the eating veggies, no matter how, was the best thing you could do. I bought two books at the sale at Chapters a few weeks ago. The first was called "100 Best Foods" and it outlines the valuable nutrients in 100 of the best health foods. This includes all kinds of raw fruits and veggies, nuts and seeds. There is a profile on each and it describes all the benefits of eating each. In fact, it says if you each raw cashews you are almost guaranteed to never have heart problems. That's amazing. The second book I got was called "Raw Food" and it describes the raw food diet, its benefits and then there are all kinds of recipes. We've tried a few; raw borscht, raw burritos in lettuce wraps (hold the beans and give me a chopped up nuts and seeds mix), and sprouting. Next on the list is raw vegan sushi sans cooked rice and instead zucchini cut into angel-hair strips. The problem is finding uncooked soya sauce. On to my third reason.
I love the challenge! I feel, and always have, that if I have control over anything it is what I choose to put into my body. Though it can be challenging and usually a super-fast crash course on whatever I decide to do, I am successful.
Its been a week and a half and so far its smooth sailing. I already feel better and I feel like I am making an effort to naturally rid my body of this cancer.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Cancer
Today is the first day I thought that maybe I won't make it... I feels like I'm a breast cancer survivor but what if I'm not. :(
Last week I started radiation and I was excited to move on to the final stage of treatment... 33 days of treatment and I'm done and cancer free and can move on with my life but on Wednesday I met with my oncologist and she explained that my treatment is far from over.
Tamoxifen... I already knew that I would have to take that. It basically keeps all the estrogen in my body from making bonds to create tumours. No real insane side effects with that. Then, this is news, a drug called zoladex. Its an injection every three months that keeps my ovaries from functioning at all. Basically putting me through menopause every three months. She asked me if I planned on having children because the zoladex was gonna make it impossible. I'm 28 and why do I have to decide if I want to have kids right now. I hate this and it never ends. The zoladex costs $1200 per injection but luckily I'm poor enough to have that covered by the Trillium drug plan... however the other drug, Zometa, is not. Its $1200 a year and we, the oncologist and I, haven't actually discussed what Zometa does. She plans on discussing that next month.
This all freaks me out... I thought okay, chemo then radiation then done.. normal life but far from it. Everyone seems freaked out about it coming back and its freaks the shit outta me.
Sorry to sound so selfish, but fuck this sucks. I suppose I should just accept the fact that my life will never be normal again and my time on this earth may be limited. I'm not being morbid, just realistic.
What if all the cancer isn't gone?
What if the chemo and radiation doesn't work?
What if the new meds I'm going to take don't work?
Or what if if the new meds that can be taken for a maximum of 5 years just lay cancer cells dormant and given the opportunity of no suppressant drugs, a new tumour forms.
You know, I think about my life and I never, ever envisioned being a statistic like this. The thought of chemo and radiation and cancer was never something I was concerned about it. Its fucking crazy!
I went for genetic testing and my results will be back in about a year. This is to determine whether or not I have the 'cancer' gene. Given my family history the genetic counselor made it sound like there must be a link and regardless of whether I have the cancer gene or not I will be the genome for testing for new cancer genes... people this young don't get cancer.
My family history includes three women on my paternal side that were diagnosed and died of breast cancer young. Its not so comforting thinking about that.
I'm just going on and on but the bubble of strength I just had burst on my way home from work today. I am still thinking positive and I really really hope everything turns out well in the end but right now I feel incredibly mortal.
I can't believe I have cancer... I still can't fucking believe it. Its like I was living in this crazy dream world these past 6 months and expected it to be over and then I would be normal Angi again but I can never be normal Angi again.
At the very beginning of this my nieces were over and they were making up little pet names for everyone... for example... Jan was Mr. guitar and mum was Ms. England.... guess what my name was... Ms. Cancer! I fucking despise it. I fucking hate that I am Ms. Cancer now. The girl that walks into the room and everyone whispers to each other "oh look, that's the girl with cancer". It fucking defines me... as much as I don't want it to define me... it does. And everyone asks me in these serious voices "How are you? I mean how are you (implies you have cancer and are staring death in the face)... how are you?... "great" I reply to fuck everyone up.
Actually, I am great. I love my husband and my doggies and my totally supportive family and my awesome friends... I'm just ranting. I do feel great but this whole thing makes me feel like I should start to feel shitty or I should feel shitty. Why don't I feel shitty? Its like I'm just playing a waiting game just waiting for it to come back with greater vengeance then it had this time. Then maybe I'll feel like crap.
I really need a vacation and my fucking hair to grow back. Nothing screams cancer more then a fucking bald chemo head.
Last week I started radiation and I was excited to move on to the final stage of treatment... 33 days of treatment and I'm done and cancer free and can move on with my life but on Wednesday I met with my oncologist and she explained that my treatment is far from over.
Tamoxifen... I already knew that I would have to take that. It basically keeps all the estrogen in my body from making bonds to create tumours. No real insane side effects with that. Then, this is news, a drug called zoladex. Its an injection every three months that keeps my ovaries from functioning at all. Basically putting me through menopause every three months. She asked me if I planned on having children because the zoladex was gonna make it impossible. I'm 28 and why do I have to decide if I want to have kids right now. I hate this and it never ends. The zoladex costs $1200 per injection but luckily I'm poor enough to have that covered by the Trillium drug plan... however the other drug, Zometa, is not. Its $1200 a year and we, the oncologist and I, haven't actually discussed what Zometa does. She plans on discussing that next month.
This all freaks me out... I thought okay, chemo then radiation then done.. normal life but far from it. Everyone seems freaked out about it coming back and its freaks the shit outta me.
Sorry to sound so selfish, but fuck this sucks. I suppose I should just accept the fact that my life will never be normal again and my time on this earth may be limited. I'm not being morbid, just realistic.
What if all the cancer isn't gone?
What if the chemo and radiation doesn't work?
What if the new meds I'm going to take don't work?
Or what if if the new meds that can be taken for a maximum of 5 years just lay cancer cells dormant and given the opportunity of no suppressant drugs, a new tumour forms.
You know, I think about my life and I never, ever envisioned being a statistic like this. The thought of chemo and radiation and cancer was never something I was concerned about it. Its fucking crazy!
I went for genetic testing and my results will be back in about a year. This is to determine whether or not I have the 'cancer' gene. Given my family history the genetic counselor made it sound like there must be a link and regardless of whether I have the cancer gene or not I will be the genome for testing for new cancer genes... people this young don't get cancer.
My family history includes three women on my paternal side that were diagnosed and died of breast cancer young. Its not so comforting thinking about that.
I'm just going on and on but the bubble of strength I just had burst on my way home from work today. I am still thinking positive and I really really hope everything turns out well in the end but right now I feel incredibly mortal.
I can't believe I have cancer... I still can't fucking believe it. Its like I was living in this crazy dream world these past 6 months and expected it to be over and then I would be normal Angi again but I can never be normal Angi again.
At the very beginning of this my nieces were over and they were making up little pet names for everyone... for example... Jan was Mr. guitar and mum was Ms. England.... guess what my name was... Ms. Cancer! I fucking despise it. I fucking hate that I am Ms. Cancer now. The girl that walks into the room and everyone whispers to each other "oh look, that's the girl with cancer". It fucking defines me... as much as I don't want it to define me... it does. And everyone asks me in these serious voices "How are you? I mean how are you (implies you have cancer and are staring death in the face)... how are you?... "great" I reply to fuck everyone up.
Actually, I am great. I love my husband and my doggies and my totally supportive family and my awesome friends... I'm just ranting. I do feel great but this whole thing makes me feel like I should start to feel shitty or I should feel shitty. Why don't I feel shitty? Its like I'm just playing a waiting game just waiting for it to come back with greater vengeance then it had this time. Then maybe I'll feel like crap.
I really need a vacation and my fucking hair to grow back. Nothing screams cancer more then a fucking bald chemo head.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
So... I have cancer
I have been meaning to write to blog for the past few months but finally I'm doing it.
So.... I have breast cancer.
Yeah, it sucks and I think "why the fuck me" but its a fact and I'm dealing.
In January I felt a new, much bigger lump in my breast. As some may already know, I felt a lump in my breast years ago but it turned out to be benign. The new lump was in the exact same place... Sort of a coincidence I guess.
I don't mess around with breast lumps so I went to my family doctor. He was awesome this time and sent me right away to get a mammogram. I remember waiting in the change room just after my mammogram listening to the radiologists whispering to each other about the extent of my huge lump and the likelihood of it being cancer. Game over right there... I feel like I knew right from the beginning exactly what it was.
A few days later I headed to freeport hospital to the Breast Clinic there to meet with a surgeon and get a breast ultrasound. After the ultrasound was the first time I actually heard a doctor tell me that I likely had cancer. I was upset. No one wants to get cancer. I was called back in the afternoon for a right-a-way biopsy. It was a two week wait for the results... The longest two weeks of my life. eeesh
So, the surgeon went on vacation during this time and I was anxious for the results so I went to my family doctor to get the results.
"Yeah, its cancer"... heart sinks... This shit sucks.
So... whats next... wait for the surgeon to get back from vaca. Pffttt I fucking hate waiting.
A week later I was in to the see the surgeon. He reiterated everything my family doctor told me but in more detail. He is actually an amazing surgeon and was really thorough. This was also the first time I heard my name and chemo in the same sentence. Holy fucking shocking... people in their 20's don't go through fucking chemo. Chemo is, what I thought, the most terrible thing ever. Holy shit.
I had the choice between a lumpectomy (take the lump out) or a mastectomy (take the whole fricking boob off). At first I was all about mastectomy... just thinking take all this shit out of me but after talking with the doctors I decided on the way less invasive lumpectomy. Including a lymph node dissection.
Surgery was booked for March 12th... I was counting down the days. I felt like as long as the lump was in me cancer was spreading all around my body and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I read up a little on how to slow the spread of cancer and it called for all kinds of soy products and flax seed... Turns out that's the worst idea ever.
Surgery day was not that bad when I walked into the triage room and my nurse was the mom of one of my good friends. What a relief. Phew. It was weird though. My mum and Jan were there with me before surgery but I had to part with them when I went into the just-moments-before-surgery room. What a weird place. It had about 5 chairs and only childrens books. I read every children's book in there while I was waiting. It was this really awkward, holy shit we're about to get surgery environment. I was in there with a few other people and not too many words were exchanged. Finally I was in the room and what a production. There were 4 or 5 nurses, the surgeon and a anesthesiologist. I lied down on the table and just before I was put out I remember the surgeon asking about my turkey tattoo. I explained about Jaslene and then I was out...
I woke up in recovery and my back fucking hurt. Forget the multiple incisions in my boob and armpit.... my back hurt. I told the hurt and she immediately added percocet to my IV. I felt much better. Then on to the other recovery room where Jan and mum were waiting. I was right out of it. Brett's mom, my nurse was there too. She asked about my pain and I told her about my back and she gave me some more percs... I felt totally fine after that. She also showed me and told me how to take care of my drain tube (my nemesis for the following two weeks). I was wheeled out to the car and went home. The rest of the night was pretty blurry though i do remember that Tricia brought us dinner and it was so delicious. Thanks so much!!
The drain tube... it was the WORST! It was a tube that came out of my side just around the bottom of my boob and at the end of the tube was a drain-fluid holder that I was instructed to empty at every 20cc's of fluid. At first it was okay but as the days went on that tube hurt like hell. During this time I had a home nurse that would visit to change my bandages. I was nice but totally inconvenient at the same time as I kept living a regular life in the meantime and had to organize nurse visiting time. I had the tube out on March 29th when I saw the surgeon. It was the best feeling ever! That tube will find a permanent image on my body as a tattoo as part of my FUCK BREAST CANCER tattoo that I will get when this is all said and done.
It was another two weeks before I got results from the surgery. I swear, there is nothing worse than hearing that you have cancer and I already had that news. This wait wasn`t too bad.
It was exactly a month to the day that I was in to see the oncologist again to talk about the chemo again. I still can`t say it without cringing (thanks hollywood). We had a long meeting and decided to start chemo two days later, April 15th... my first chemo treatment.
This is scary.. I have no idea what to expect but the worst and holy shit its scary. I`ve noticed that on medically important days I turn into a super bitch (I`m really sorry mum and Jan, but its the nerves). I`m really lucky that locally we have one of the best cancer centers in the country and it is a really nice bright place.`Phew... I was expecting a dark, dingy shit hole for a cancer center. What a relief. I am on what is called dose dense chemo so its a little more aggressive then normal but its every two weeks and for only 8 cycles. I look forward to the last one which is scheduled, if everything goes as planned, for July 22.
Chemo... scary... but not that bad so far. To administer the chemo the nurses have to dress up in these full out nuclear blast outfits and I was thinking holy shit you have to be fully protected to touch it but your injecting that shit right into my vein. Holy shit, this is going to be bad....
But it wasn`t....
I`ve only had one cycle but I`ve had no side effects except for maybe a little tiredness. I hope it stays that way...
So, if you were wondering whats going on in my life, that`s it really.
Well, Mean Screens also opened up a shop but that deserves a separate blog.
So.... I have breast cancer.
Yeah, it sucks and I think "why the fuck me" but its a fact and I'm dealing.
In January I felt a new, much bigger lump in my breast. As some may already know, I felt a lump in my breast years ago but it turned out to be benign. The new lump was in the exact same place... Sort of a coincidence I guess.
I don't mess around with breast lumps so I went to my family doctor. He was awesome this time and sent me right away to get a mammogram. I remember waiting in the change room just after my mammogram listening to the radiologists whispering to each other about the extent of my huge lump and the likelihood of it being cancer. Game over right there... I feel like I knew right from the beginning exactly what it was.
A few days later I headed to freeport hospital to the Breast Clinic there to meet with a surgeon and get a breast ultrasound. After the ultrasound was the first time I actually heard a doctor tell me that I likely had cancer. I was upset. No one wants to get cancer. I was called back in the afternoon for a right-a-way biopsy. It was a two week wait for the results... The longest two weeks of my life. eeesh
So, the surgeon went on vacation during this time and I was anxious for the results so I went to my family doctor to get the results.
"Yeah, its cancer"... heart sinks... This shit sucks.
So... whats next... wait for the surgeon to get back from vaca. Pffttt I fucking hate waiting.
A week later I was in to the see the surgeon. He reiterated everything my family doctor told me but in more detail. He is actually an amazing surgeon and was really thorough. This was also the first time I heard my name and chemo in the same sentence. Holy fucking shocking... people in their 20's don't go through fucking chemo. Chemo is, what I thought, the most terrible thing ever. Holy shit.
I had the choice between a lumpectomy (take the lump out) or a mastectomy (take the whole fricking boob off). At first I was all about mastectomy... just thinking take all this shit out of me but after talking with the doctors I decided on the way less invasive lumpectomy. Including a lymph node dissection.
Surgery was booked for March 12th... I was counting down the days. I felt like as long as the lump was in me cancer was spreading all around my body and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I read up a little on how to slow the spread of cancer and it called for all kinds of soy products and flax seed... Turns out that's the worst idea ever.
Surgery day was not that bad when I walked into the triage room and my nurse was the mom of one of my good friends. What a relief. Phew. It was weird though. My mum and Jan were there with me before surgery but I had to part with them when I went into the just-moments-before-surgery room. What a weird place. It had about 5 chairs and only childrens books. I read every children's book in there while I was waiting. It was this really awkward, holy shit we're about to get surgery environment. I was in there with a few other people and not too many words were exchanged. Finally I was in the room and what a production. There were 4 or 5 nurses, the surgeon and a anesthesiologist. I lied down on the table and just before I was put out I remember the surgeon asking about my turkey tattoo. I explained about Jaslene and then I was out...
I woke up in recovery and my back fucking hurt. Forget the multiple incisions in my boob and armpit.... my back hurt. I told the hurt and she immediately added percocet to my IV. I felt much better. Then on to the other recovery room where Jan and mum were waiting. I was right out of it. Brett's mom, my nurse was there too. She asked about my pain and I told her about my back and she gave me some more percs... I felt totally fine after that. She also showed me and told me how to take care of my drain tube (my nemesis for the following two weeks). I was wheeled out to the car and went home. The rest of the night was pretty blurry though i do remember that Tricia brought us dinner and it was so delicious. Thanks so much!!
The drain tube... it was the WORST! It was a tube that came out of my side just around the bottom of my boob and at the end of the tube was a drain-fluid holder that I was instructed to empty at every 20cc's of fluid. At first it was okay but as the days went on that tube hurt like hell. During this time I had a home nurse that would visit to change my bandages. I was nice but totally inconvenient at the same time as I kept living a regular life in the meantime and had to organize nurse visiting time. I had the tube out on March 29th when I saw the surgeon. It was the best feeling ever! That tube will find a permanent image on my body as a tattoo as part of my FUCK BREAST CANCER tattoo that I will get when this is all said and done.
It was another two weeks before I got results from the surgery. I swear, there is nothing worse than hearing that you have cancer and I already had that news. This wait wasn`t too bad.
It was exactly a month to the day that I was in to see the oncologist again to talk about the chemo again. I still can`t say it without cringing (thanks hollywood). We had a long meeting and decided to start chemo two days later, April 15th... my first chemo treatment.
This is scary.. I have no idea what to expect but the worst and holy shit its scary. I`ve noticed that on medically important days I turn into a super bitch (I`m really sorry mum and Jan, but its the nerves). I`m really lucky that locally we have one of the best cancer centers in the country and it is a really nice bright place.`Phew... I was expecting a dark, dingy shit hole for a cancer center. What a relief. I am on what is called dose dense chemo so its a little more aggressive then normal but its every two weeks and for only 8 cycles. I look forward to the last one which is scheduled, if everything goes as planned, for July 22.
Chemo... scary... but not that bad so far. To administer the chemo the nurses have to dress up in these full out nuclear blast outfits and I was thinking holy shit you have to be fully protected to touch it but your injecting that shit right into my vein. Holy shit, this is going to be bad....
But it wasn`t....
I`ve only had one cycle but I`ve had no side effects except for maybe a little tiredness. I hope it stays that way...
So, if you were wondering whats going on in my life, that`s it really.
Well, Mean Screens also opened up a shop but that deserves a separate blog.
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