Raw food!

So.. I switched to a raw vegan diet for three reasons.

Chemo made me gain 30 pounds. Going into chemo I thought, well, meh... at least I'll lose weight and it wasn't until after my last treatment that I actually asked my oncologist about my weight gain that she told me that quote... "yeah, its weird. Women on chemo for breast cancer almost always gain weight"... ummm thanks for the heads up. The raw diet will help me to lose this excess weight and then I can feel a little more like myself again. It is inevitable that you lose weight on a raw diet.

Reason 2: I've been hearing from a lot of people and reading testimonials that a raw diet "saved my life" and "cured cancer". I'm not convinced that it will cure my cancer but I do believe that it could help to save my life. First of all, my cancer is estrogen based... in fact the very one thing that makes me a woman is my very demise. This irks me but is reserved for a different blog. Estrogen is in a lot of things but is more prominent in processed foods. Bottom line is... avoid ingesting estrogen as much as possible (this is a bummer because my favourite food of all time, tofu, is one of the estrogen rich foods I should steer clear from). The next step was to eat only non-processed foods so fruits and veggies, cooked or raw. I started reading up about nutrient rich foods and learned that once one of these super foods was cooked at over 104 degree F it lost a great deal of its nutrients. Weird, because I thought the eating veggies, no matter how, was the best thing you could do. I bought two books at the sale at Chapters a few weeks ago. The first was called "100 Best Foods" and it outlines the valuable nutrients in 100 of the best health foods. This includes all kinds of raw fruits and veggies, nuts and seeds. There is a profile on each and it describes all the benefits of eating each. In fact, it says if you each raw cashews you are almost guaranteed to never have heart problems. That's amazing. The second book I got was called "Raw Food" and it describes the raw food diet, its benefits and then there are all kinds of recipes. We've tried a few; raw borscht, raw burritos in lettuce wraps (hold the beans and give me a chopped up nuts and seeds mix), and sprouting. Next on the list is raw vegan sushi sans cooked rice and instead zucchini cut into angel-hair strips. The problem is finding uncooked soya sauce. On to my third reason.

I love the challenge! I feel, and always have, that if I have control over anything it is what I choose to put into my body. Though it can be challenging and usually a super-fast crash course on whatever I decide to do, I am successful.

Its been a week and a half and so far its smooth sailing. I already feel better and I feel like I am making an effort to naturally rid my body of this cancer.

Cancer

Today is the first day I thought that maybe I won't make it... I feels like I'm a breast cancer survivor but what if I'm not. :(

Last week I started radiation and I was excited to move on to the final stage of treatment... 33 days of treatment and I'm done and cancer free and can move on with my life but on Wednesday I met with my oncologist and she explained that my treatment is far from over.

Tamoxifen... I already knew that I would have to take that. It basically keeps all the estrogen in my body from making bonds to create tumours. No real insane side effects with that. Then, this is news, a drug called zoladex. Its an injection every three months that keeps my ovaries from functioning at all. Basically putting me through menopause every three months. She asked me if I planned on having children because the zoladex was gonna make it impossible. I'm 28 and why do I have to decide if I want to have kids right now. I hate this and it never ends. The zoladex costs $1200 per injection but luckily I'm poor enough to have that covered by the Trillium drug plan... however the other drug, Zometa, is not. Its $1200 a year and we, the oncologist and I, haven't actually discussed what Zometa does. She plans on discussing that next month.

This all freaks me out... I thought okay, chemo then radiation then done.. normal life but far from it. Everyone seems freaked out about it coming back and its freaks the shit outta me.

Sorry to sound so selfish, but fuck this sucks. I suppose I should just accept the fact that my life will never be normal again and my time on this earth may be limited. I'm not being morbid, just realistic.

What if all the cancer isn't gone?
What if the chemo and radiation doesn't work?
What if the new meds I'm going to take don't work?
Or what if if the new meds that can be taken for a maximum of 5 years just lay cancer cells dormant and given the opportunity of no suppressant drugs, a new tumour forms.

You know, I think about my life and I never, ever envisioned being a statistic like this. The thought of chemo and radiation and cancer was never something I was concerned about it. Its fucking crazy!

I went for genetic testing and my results will be back in about a year. This is to determine whether or not I have the 'cancer' gene. Given my family history the genetic counselor made it sound like there must be a link and regardless of whether I have the cancer gene or not I will be the genome for testing for new cancer genes... people this young don't get cancer.

My family history includes three women on my paternal side that were diagnosed and died of breast cancer young. Its not so comforting thinking about that.

I'm just going on and on but the bubble of strength I just had burst on my way home from work today. I am still thinking positive and I really really hope everything turns out well in the end but right now I feel incredibly mortal.

I can't believe I have cancer... I still can't fucking believe it. Its like I was living in this crazy dream world these past 6 months and expected it to be over and then I would be normal Angi again but I can never be normal Angi again.

At the very beginning of this my nieces were over and they were making up little pet names for everyone... for example... Jan was Mr. guitar and mum was Ms. England.... guess what my name was... Ms. Cancer! I fucking despise it. I fucking hate that I am Ms. Cancer now. The girl that walks into the room and everyone whispers to each other "oh look, that's the girl with cancer". It fucking defines me... as much as I don't want it to define me... it does. And everyone asks me in these serious voices "How are you? I mean how are you (implies you have cancer and are staring death in the face)... how are you?... "great" I reply to fuck everyone up.

Actually, I am great. I love my husband and my doggies and my totally supportive family and my awesome friends... I'm just ranting. I do feel great but this whole thing makes me feel like I should start to feel shitty or I should feel shitty. Why don't I feel shitty? Its like I'm just playing a waiting game just waiting for it to come back with greater vengeance then it had this time. Then maybe I'll feel like crap.

I really need a vacation and my fucking hair to grow back. Nothing screams cancer more then a fucking bald chemo head.

So... I have cancer

I have been meaning to write to blog for the past few months but finally I'm doing it.

So.... I have breast cancer.

Yeah, it sucks and I think "why the fuck me" but its a fact and I'm dealing.

In January I felt a new, much bigger lump in my breast. As some may already know, I felt a lump in my breast years ago but it turned out to be benign. The new lump was in the exact same place... Sort of a coincidence I guess.

I don't mess around with breast lumps so I went to my family doctor. He was awesome this time and sent me right away to get a mammogram. I remember waiting in the change room just after my mammogram listening to the radiologists whispering to each other about the extent of my huge lump and the likelihood of it being cancer. Game over right there... I feel like I knew right from the beginning exactly what it was.

A few days later I headed to freeport hospital to the Breast Clinic there to meet with a surgeon and get a breast ultrasound. After the ultrasound was the first time I actually heard a doctor tell me that I likely had cancer. I was upset. No one wants to get cancer. I was called back in the afternoon for a right-a-way biopsy. It was a two week wait for the results... The longest two weeks of my life. eeesh

So, the surgeon went on vacation during this time and I was anxious for the results so I went to my family doctor to get the results.

"Yeah, its cancer"... heart sinks... This shit sucks.

So... whats next... wait for the surgeon to get back from vaca. Pffttt I fucking hate waiting.

A week later I was in to the see the surgeon. He reiterated everything my family doctor told me but in more detail. He is actually an amazing surgeon and was really thorough. This was also the first time I heard my name and chemo in the same sentence. Holy fucking shocking... people in their 20's don't go through fucking chemo. Chemo is, what I thought, the most terrible thing ever. Holy shit.

I had the choice between a lumpectomy (take the lump out) or a mastectomy (take the whole fricking boob off). At first I was all about mastectomy... just thinking take all this shit out of me but after talking with the doctors I decided on the way less invasive lumpectomy. Including a lymph node dissection.

Surgery was booked for March 12th... I was counting down the days. I felt like as long as the lump was in me cancer was spreading all around my body and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I read up a little on how to slow the spread of cancer and it called for all kinds of soy products and flax seed... Turns out that's the worst idea ever.

Surgery day was not that bad when I walked into the triage room and my nurse was the mom of one of my good friends. What a relief. Phew. It was weird though. My mum and Jan were there with me before surgery but I had to part with them when I went into the just-moments-before-surgery room. What a weird place. It had about 5 chairs and only childrens books. I read every children's book in there while I was waiting. It was this really awkward, holy shit we're about to get surgery environment. I was in there with a few other people and not too many words were exchanged. Finally I was in the room and what a production. There were 4 or 5 nurses, the surgeon and a anesthesiologist. I lied down on the table and just before I was put out I remember the surgeon asking about my turkey tattoo. I explained about Jaslene and then I was out...

I woke up in recovery and my back fucking hurt. Forget the multiple incisions in my boob and armpit.... my back hurt. I told the hurt and she immediately added percocet to my IV. I felt much better. Then on to the other recovery room where Jan and mum were waiting. I was right out of it. Brett's mom, my nurse was there too. She asked about my pain and I told her about my back and she gave me some more percs... I felt totally fine after that. She also showed me and told me how to take care of my drain tube (my nemesis for the following two weeks). I was wheeled out to the car and went home. The rest of the night was pretty blurry though i do remember that Tricia brought us dinner and it was so delicious. Thanks so much!!

The drain tube... it was the WORST! It was a tube that came out of my side just around the bottom of my boob and at the end of the tube was a drain-fluid holder that I was instructed to empty at every 20cc's of fluid. At first it was okay but as the days went on that tube hurt like hell. During this time I had a home nurse that would visit to change my bandages. I was nice but totally inconvenient at the same time as I kept living a regular life in the meantime and had to organize nurse visiting time. I had the tube out on March 29th when I saw the surgeon. It was the best feeling ever! That tube will find a permanent image on my body as a tattoo as part of my FUCK BREAST CANCER tattoo that I will get when this is all said and done.

It was another two weeks before I got results from the surgery. I swear, there is nothing worse than hearing that you have cancer and I already had that news. This wait wasn`t too bad.

It was exactly a month to the day that I was in to see the oncologist again to talk about the chemo again. I still can`t say it without cringing (thanks hollywood). We had a long meeting and decided to start chemo two days later, April 15th... my first chemo treatment.

This is scary.. I have no idea what to expect but the worst and holy shit its scary. I`ve noticed that on medically important days I turn into a super bitch (I`m really sorry mum and Jan, but its the nerves). I`m really lucky that locally we have one of the best cancer centers in the country and it is a really nice bright place.`Phew... I was expecting a dark, dingy shit hole for a cancer center. What a relief. I am on what is called dose dense chemo so its a little more aggressive then normal but its every two weeks and for only 8 cycles. I look forward to the last one which is scheduled, if everything goes as planned, for July 22.

Chemo... scary... but not that bad so far. To administer the chemo the nurses have to dress up in these full out nuclear blast outfits and I was thinking holy shit you have to be fully protected to touch it but your injecting that shit right into my vein. Holy shit, this is going to be bad....

But it wasn`t....

I`ve only had one cycle but I`ve had no side effects except for maybe a little tiredness. I hope it stays that way...

So, if you were wondering whats going on in my life, that`s it really.

Well, Mean Screens also opened up a shop but that deserves a separate blog.

Raw dog food!!

So my friend Sarah introduced me to the idea of raw dog food. It never really occurred to me but my poor little fuzzy friends rely on me for the best nutrition and that hasn't really been my strong point. I have tried but with commercial food its really hard to offer great nutrition.

Today I made homemade raw dog food for my babies :)

Raw dog food is exactly that. 65% raw meat, 25% raw fruits and veggies and 10% raw animal organs.

So I went to the market this morning and picked up the meat I needed. I'm a vegetarian and know nothing about buying meet but after getting a few pointers from some friends I sort of knew what I was looking for. I bought 4 pounds of ground beef, 10 pounds of ground pork, and 2 pounds of chicken gizzard (ewwww). I also picked up some raw pork bones for the dogs to chew on but not part of the recipe. I established that for 1 week of food for all three dogs I would need a total of about 12 pounds of food. Here's my recipe.

5 pounds pork
2 pounds beef
1 pounds of gizzards (ewww)

For the veggies...
1 yam
3 carrots (my doggies love em)
Cup of parsley
1 green pepper
1 full head of baby romaine lettuce
2 cored apples

And a few extras....
one egg shell and all
half a cup of flax seed

I ground all of this up in the processor and voila... raw dog food for a week!!!



And my dogs LOVE it!

Tour update

We got an email today with a more updated list of tour dates. Check em out!

30-Mar Tue Sudbury - Jubilee Centre
31-Mar Wed Thunder Bay w/ The Hunters - Kilroy's
1-Apr Thu Winnipeg - TBA
2-Apr Fri Saskatoon - Walkers Night Club
3-Apr Sat Edmonton - DV8 Tavern
4-Apr Sun Peace River - TBA
5-Apr Mon Jasper (Pete's Pub)
6-Apr Tue Prince George - The Art Space
7-Apr Wed - TBA
8-Apr Thu Fraser Valley - tba with rebel spell
9-Apr Fri Vancouver - tba with rebel spell
10-Apr Sat Victoria - tba with rebel spell
11-Apr Sun Courtenay - tba with rebel spell
12-Apr Mon Surrey w/ Pickin' on Toddlers
13-Apr Tue Penticton - TBA
14-Apr Wed Calgary - Distillery/Anchor tba
15-Apr Thu Lethbridge - TBA
16-Apr Fri Regina - TBA
17-Apr Sat Kenora - Lake on the woods
18-Apr Sun Thunder Bay - TBA
20-Apr Tue Toronto - Bovine

The great tour van pimp-out!!

We are so looking forward to tour in April so we've been spending most of our free time making our van the most pimpin' tour ride ever!

We bought our 2003 HUGE Chevy Express 2500 super extended van in the summer for a mere $1500. It was the best investment we ever made because this thing is awesome!! Eventhough there are 790,000 kms on the beast it runs like a dream. It heats up super fast and evenly (unlike our previous vans that were absolutely freezing) and there is AC... that actually works! The luxury of this van even extends to a drivers side air bag. We are spoiled.

It came with a stock stereo with AM/FM radio. We replaced it with a new RADIO/CD/MP3/AUX/IPOD/USB stereo. Though it has all these incredible features we only really the use the USB because it rules. We bought an 8 gig USB stick and copied tons of our music to it MP3 style. You just plug the stick into the USB slot and voila you have hours and hours of music. It even displays the artist and song name. Amazing, as I've never had anything like this before!!

The van was used for its whole life before us as a heavy truck parts delivery truck (hence all the kms) so beside the two front seats the back was bear except for a ply wood floor and play wood walls. Here is a photo of what that looked like.



Over the past few days we painted the walls white



Installed carpet and installed the sweet fold-down-to-a-double-bed van seat we got from our last safari van. This is a feat because since we got the van we've been driving around with that seat just sort of rolling around in the back. (pictures to come)

We have some crazy plans for this van to make it the most comfortable long-haul vehicles that a punk band has ever toured in.

I'll keep you all updated on our progress.

I'm GRADUATING!!! Woo Hoo!!

On Friday I got a letter in the mail from the University of Guelph letting me know that my application for graduation has been accepted and I am officially a graduate from their biology program.

It has been a grueling 5 years but I'm finally done!!!

When I was first accepted by Guelph I was off my rocker excited about the prospect. I had every intention of going through with my bachelors and then making my way through another 4 years of vet school so I could be a large animal vet. I was so stoked but into my first year I started to second guess my decision.

The biology program at the University of Guelph was not at all what I expected. One memory that really sticks out was a bio lab where we were testing the respiration rates of lab mice. It really felt like kindergarten. There were different stations set up in the lab room that each group would take turns visiting. One where we, sorry not we but the lab TA, would handle the mouse and immerse them in some kind of environment (can't remember) and we would collect data about the mouse respiration and then truck all that data to the next station where another lab TA would input our data into some computer program that would provide us with the info we needed. It was really like kindergarten... So first collect your paints in all the colours you want then truck them down to station two where you will be provided with all sorts of brushes, then station 3 where you are given your choice of paper colour and finally station 4 you got to paint. So stupid. I don't recall learning anything in that lab. To be fair though I did some awesome labs too later on in my uni career one where I actually got to produce an Aspirin and another where I got to stick my arm shoulder deep into the stomach of a live cow and collect digestive data. Those labs were awesome!

I also quickly learned that at Ontario's greatest agricultural school I was not learning the sort of biology I was interested in... horses, dogs, domestic animals, but I was learning solely about the biology of meat industry animals. WTF?? I am a vegetarian and have absolutely no interest in learning about the inner workings of animals that will be put to slaughter or be held in close quarters for production purposes only. I fucking hated that. In fact I remember a class handout that was explaining the parts of a cow, not their biological parts but only the meat industry parts such as t-bone etc etc... I stopped paying attention right away. It really was fucking bullshit.

There was a class that was somewhat required to acquire my degree. It was called... let me think now... oh The structure of farm animals. It actually had a slaughter lab that you could opt out of but you still had to watch the video. I understand that the industry is a large part of animal biology but c'mon... as if everyone is there to learn that shit.

There were only a few classes that I truly enjoyed. There were two horse-y classes; horse nutrition and horse management. I loved those classes and excelled in them but then we're not in the habit of eating horses in this area. I tried to take other nutrition classes because nutrition is something that really interests me but cow, pig and chicken nutrition were based solely on the proper nutrition to make the best meat/eggs/milk possible. STUPID!

Other classes I loved had nothing to do with biology at all. They were the few electives I was allowed. I took a politics class in first year and thank god for that because everything else was science 100% of the time. I also took an english class and a sociology class and I really loved those. If I could do it all over again I would have gone to Uni for sociology because that really peaked my interest. And for the amount of effort that I would have put into a science paper and got a 60% on, I got a 95% in soc! Geez.

All in all though it was a good experience and I'm glad that I have the paper to prove that I actually completed it.

So, I was adamant about not attending my convocation as I have had just about enough of the cowboy boot, huge belt buckle, cowboy hat wearing peers of mine jeering at me as if I was weird but I think I'm gonna go as a way finalize that part of my life.

I learned a hell of a lot that I'm glad I now know and I also learned a hell of a lot of shit I don't really care about but I'm glad I persevered and finish it. It proves a discipline I wasn't sure I actually had in me.

I have two extra guest spots at my convocation. Who wants to come?